Vice Agent

Often people have an affair to fill a void in their own marriage or partnership, whether it’s companionship, romance or sex. If the person you’re having an affair with is single, this can be a little more complicated than just a bit of innocent fun on the side. Quite often, the single person in the affair holds onto the extra-marital relationship, treating it like a full-blown relationship. This can make it difficult because often the single partner in this affair feels the married member will leave their partner and “run off” with the single person and live happily ever after. This scenario usually doesn’t eventuate and can make it uncomfortable for both parties, especially when it comes to ending the affair.

There are some situations that have popped up over the years that could happen to you if you’re having an affair with a single person. This is dependent on the person you meet, but most likely wouldn’t and doesn’t depict the reaction of the majority of single people in an extra-marital relationship. However, t is important to pay attention to these as you could come across similar situations yourself and it’s better to be prepared or at least recognize them.

1. Worst Case Scenario
It’s the “Fatal Attraction” scenario where, when the married partner refuses to leave their spouse, the single partner does something outrageous like:
•    Sends threatening emails;
•    Mysterious gifts arrive with/without a note;
•    Makes prank phone calls to their lover’s spouse;
•    They happen to “drop by” your house (or anywhere they know of related to your family) and pretend they’re just a friend who wanted to drop something off from work etc, and meets your spouse while you’re out;
•    Or worst case, your child’s rabbit ends up in a pot on the stove (or equivalent – physically violent suggestions).
While these situations do happen, they are relatively uncommon (doesn’t mean they won’t happen to you). Most affairs split amicably, but again, it depends on how they’re handled and also on each person’s personality. If the single person can’t let go after you’ve ended it, you will probably have at least one of the above occur so you need to remember to try to damage control the situation before it gets out of control.

The Fact Is…
Most of single partners in an affair don’t like to think of themselves as “homewreckers”. If the single person knows their partner is married, they will most likely not want to advertise it to friends or family as it can cause them to get looked down on by the people they know. Also, in today’s society it can be quite embarrassing for a single person to announce they’re in love with somebody else’s husband or wife, hence another reason they would refrain. Once the affair is over, it can be a dangerous slope – especially if they feel they were unfairly treated or feel they “deserve” the lover more than his married family.

Married Person Leaving Their Spouse For The Single Person
Most people will not leave their spouses for the single person in the affair. Most affairs will only ever be extra-marital. Many single people in these affairs will take it on as an actual relationship and after spending so much time with their lover, they’ll feel like their married lover could leave their marriage to run a “normal” relationship.

How To Avoid Uncomfortable Single Affair Partners
Obviously it’s not as simple as going around asking married people if they’re looking to cheat (that would have consequences of its own!). If you do come across a great single person you’d like to have relations with, you need to both approach the relationship with an appropriate mindset. You will need to manage your relationship so that it doesn’t get out of hand. Remember that a single person will initially be frustrated with having to conform to your married schedule and acknowledge is not a normal “dating” relationship.
Here are a few points to try to remember:
•    Make sure the single person knows your expectations AND accepts them;
•    Take notice if they are getting more “clingy” or want more out of the relationship;
•    Pay attention to any signs that might indicate your single partner wants more of a normal dating relationship than you can offer;
•    Try to avoid single people you know have had a problem with jealousy or envy with former boyfriends/girlfriends (you can’t really do this if you don’t know them previous to the affair);
•    Remember the grass is not always greener on the other side. Seeing the single life from where you are as married, is not necessarily a better position;
•    Remember they are single so if they choose to date other people, you need to control any jealousy that may arise.

We are not suggesting you only aim for married people to have an affair with, just be careful. If the person seems to be a problem and has emotional issues about the affair, the shorter the better the relationship would be.

Valentine's Day can be a real bitch for cheaters can't it? Damn right!

What other day of the year could possibly be more hazardous to a philanderer than this day especially set aside for sweethearts? You have both a spouse and a lover to please and believe me, at least one of them is expecting more than just a "token" of your appreciation!

If you have been married for awhile, you can probably get away with the standard card/chocolates/flowers with your spouse, but your lover? Ahh…it's going to take a little more than that to keep your "side dish" warm.

If you are busy playing on both sides of the fence…BE WARNED! The stakes are high. This is no time for careless slip ups.

Before you rush into starting an affair, you need to think about it and ask yourself about your own personality. What do other people find attractive about you? Remember there are three or more (if you have children or the other person’s married too) people involved here, not just you and your potential new lover. Can you handle the risks of your spouse finding out or complications at work or socially – and would you be able to handle the consequences? Do you have the time or courage to have an affair? If you haven’t thought about these questions, you definitely need to try to answer them now.

Finding A Lover
Think about where you go during the day and what social groups you’re in. Your work colleagues, sports buddies and gym mates are usually parts of different social networks and are great avenues for looking for an affair. If you have singles in your social groups, this can help. Although some people do, it’s best not to try your luck with your partner’s friends… or family.

I Have Someone In Mind
Before you run up and give them a hotel room key, you need to find out if they’re interested in being more than just your friend or colleague. Make eye contact with them and try to talk about what they’re interested. If you don’t know, you need to find out. Smile. A sudden confession of “I want to fuck you” won’t usually work and may give you a slap in the face, unless the person’s pretty ‘easy’. Making sure they don’t have loose lips is good too. You don’t want them spilling the beans to everyone and having it get back to your partner!

They Know I’m Married
Unfortunately, if they know you’re married, your chances of them making a pass at you are slimmer than if you were single (although some people like the ‘challenge’ or like to chase what they can’t have). You need to be careful about how you approach them. Don’t instantly try to be physically close to them as this may make them feel awkward and could lead to them pulling away and try to avoid you. In the end, you need to ensure they want to be more than just friends before you concrete your intentions.

They Don’t Know I’m Married
This is one of the easier ways of getting into an extramarital relationship. If they don’t know your relationship status and you make advances towards them, most people will assume you’re single and not bother asking. “Assumption is the mother of all fuckups” and at least you’re not technically lying at this stage!

Making Your Move
You cannot be sure if the other person is interested until you ask. Many people flirt with no intent to take it further than a dirty dance, casual touch or flirty eyes. Pay attention to the body language of your potential lover and where they like to take conversations with you, especially if they venture into intimate subjects. The last thing you need is for the person you’re attempting relations with to tell you they’re not interested, and they’re disappointed in you and will tell your wife! Not to mention the embarrassment you will feel!

Be careful how you approach finding out if they want to take it further. Asking them “wanna go in the supplies closet and fuck?” is probably a little too forward! Start off with some body contact and see how they warm to you and then build from that.

Rejection
You can’t just expect everything to go your way every time. If the reactions from the person you’re trying to woo are negative, you need to just be polite and move on. Don’t just frown at them and stomp off saying “stupid slut/manwhore, leading me on…” because if they hear it, it might sever his/her friendship with you too!

Discuss What You Expect
Communication is important in any relationship so you need to make sure you talk and discuss what kind of level of secrecy you both will have. If you only want it to be an affair and you want to keep your married life, you need to talk to that person because it has to be a mutual agreement to work properly, or you’ll be left with either just your marriage and no separate lover, or torn between the two… or single.

One of the easiest ways to meet people these days is online. With the majority of the developed world having access to the internet, you’re bound to interact with someone that sparks your interest. It’s important, especially if you’re in a relationship and looking to ‘branch out’, that you maintain your privacy and safety while surfing and chatting online. We have compiled some suggestions to keep you on the right track.

The main things you need to do or look out for are:
•       Get an anonymous email address
•       Purchase dial-up Net access
•       Check that your IMs do not show your IP address and ensure your history is disabled
•       Use a unique username someone you know can’t identify you with
•       Read the privacy policy of the dating service you wish to join
•       Always meet for the first time in public (away from home)

Anonymous Email Address
The last thing you want is your partner checking the ‘family’ email and finding a dirty email from a member thanking you for a recent sex encounter. There are plenty of email services out there that offer free, anonymous email addresses. It’s better to create one rather than use the family email address so you can write any emails as explicit as you like, and won’t need to worry about family members accidentally coming across it while you’re off the computer. Also, you may find more spam arriving in your inbox from third party sites, so overall, it’s better to have a backup free web-based email address (rather than your computer’s email client) for complete privacy and ease.

We do not recommend publicly providing your personal contact details such as your phone number and real email address in your profile as you will find people you know may recognize it, your partner may come across it, or you may find an unwanted fan who will use these to contact you.

Instant Messenger Services (IMs)
Take the time to learn a little about how your IM works. If you’re using a computer at home, check the options/tools of your IM and ensure your ‘history’ button is disabled. If other members of your family use the same IM, you wouldn’t want them finding your old dirty message sessions and reading them. Also, check that when you log in, the option to “remember my password” is disabled, as it would make it as easy as selecting your username to gaining access to your account.

Your Internet Connection
Regarding internet security, there are some IMs that display your IP address. Your Internet Protocol (IP) shows who your ISP is as well as your location. By purchasing dial-up access, you’ll have more security, safety and privacy as dial-ups are different to broadband and can be used with any phone line making your location untraceable.

An alternative is using an internet café to access your IM lovers. It may give you less privacy (you couldn’t sit in a café with your pants around your ankles, for example) but it is a way around having a family member reading your messages or someone finding your IP address and hence location.

Get A Fresh Username
If you sign up with a range of online dating sites, it’s best to use different account IDs/nicknames/usernames. If you find you chat to someone who wants to follow you around online from site to site (a ‘cyber stalker’), the first thing they’re going to do is look for your username or ID name!

If your partner has known about you having an account on a dating site before you met (or while you were with them) and they’re suspicious, they may attempt to look up your usual username on well known dating sites to see if you’re actively trying to find something on the side (which you are if you’re reading this).

Trusting The Online Dating Service
Most online dating services will ask you personal information, from email addresses to town location to phone numbers (usually after signing up) and will ask you to upload an image of yourself. Before you join the site you should read their privacy policy. A link to it can usually be found at the bottom of the page or just about the join button on the sign-up form. Read it to ensure (that is, if you want your membership to remain discreet) they do not use your image for advertising (remember late night adverts for dating sites on TV?) and will not solicit your email address (which we recommend being a free account anyway) to other companies for spamming.

Uploading Images
If you don’t mind people seeing your face on an active dating site, feel free to upload any photos. It is best, especially if your partner is snoopy or if you have friends who actively use dating sites, to not upload clear photos of your face. Adding one that can’t quite identify you (such as a partially blurred or long distance picture) is better than a close up of your face where someone you know would see you were recently active and possibly contact your partner!

Being Stalked
If you find there’s someone you’ve met on a dating site who won’t leave you alone, look for the blocking tool in the options of your site. Locate the help/support section of the dating site if blocking them isn’t available. By following the above suggestions, you may find it easier to avoid a cyber stalker following you around other sites or even offline.

It all comes down to common sense. Most of the time the websites you visit will have a comprehensive privacy policy that will not disclose your private information publicly or to third parties and most of the people you meet will be “normal”. It’s better to be safe than sorry and set yourself up so you’re not caught out! Remember, when meeting someone in person for the first time, don’t meet for the first time at your home! Always meet somewhere public yet discreet to help protect both yourself and your family.

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