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Although many people feel sorry for the individual that’s been cheated on, an adulterer also needs some attention and counseling to address the underlying causes of this behavior. That said, if you’re thinking about entering into an extra-marital affair, do everything in your power to get help before you commit the act. In some cases, you may find that reaching out to your spouse or a psychologist will help you redefine your life and increase your level of satisfaction within your current relationship.

Signs you may commit adultery

It’s normal to feel attracted to someone other than your spouse from time to time – let’s face it, we’re all human with natural needs and urges. That said, there are appropriate and inappropriate ways to handle these feelings. One of the things you’ll need to ask yourself is whether you’re really attracted to the other person, or just to the sense of adventure involved in pursing an illicit affair.

If you find that the idea of a secret affair is more exciting than actually being with the person, you’ll definitely need to talk things over with a psychologist. You may be subconsciously dealing with issues related to mid-life, as well as ones related to financial stresses shared with your spouse. You may also want to see your doctor and make sure that there are no physiological reasons that might lead to you have an affair.

Facing marital problems

There’s no question that today’s economy is something akin to poison for many marriages. Aside from fighting over money with your spouse, you may find yourself enjoying the company of someone that does not share your specific financial problems. Unfortunately, what starts out as a platonic friendship can turn into an affair for any variety of reasons.

If you find yourself needing to discuss problems that you would normally discuss with your spouse with someone else, it’s crucial to step back and evaluate your situation. You may come to realize that you and your spouse are evolving in different directions. Rather than seek further comfort in someone else, it would be better to go for marriage counseling or consider separation before you begin a relationship with someone else.

Getting professional help

It may seem impossible to consider asking for help if you’re about to commit adultery. However, your spouse may be the best person to help you fight the temptation. Of course, if you explain that there are aspects of the marriage that bother you, your spouse will likely be offended and upset. However, they may also be willing to go in for marriage counseling rather than have more serious problems develop down the line.

Unfortunately, once you have an affair, you’ll lose the personal pride that comes with being trusted by your spouse. In addition, whatever is triggering you to have an affair needs to be dealt with by both you and your spouse. It can be said that the leading cause of infidelity is married partners that can’t communicate effectively. In many cases, if you make an effort to let your spouse know something is wrong, you’ll have a much better chance of saving your marriage.

Meeting your spouse’s new lover can be painful and embarrassing. That said, if you have children, it may be impossible to avoid one or more meetings with this person. Among other things, you’ll need to have some kind of interaction with this person in order to make sure that your children are not abused or neglected when your spouse has visitation rights. If you can manage to make your first meeting amicable, it will be easier for you to protect your children and prevent harm from coming to them.

Unexpected meetings

Of course, if you catch your spouse in the act of cheating on you, there’s really no choosing the time or place of your first meeting. However, running into your spouse’s new partner unexpectedly can be just as uncomfortable. Before you get into this situation, it’s very important to plan for how you’ll manage it. Imagine what you’ll say if you run into this person in a store or around town. While it’s not necessary to acknowledge this person, it’s still best to have some polite answers ready to avoid babbling or awkward silences.

Choosing a time and place

In some cases, you may not meet your spouse’s new partner until it’s time to go to court for divorce or custody proceedings. This is already a stressful setting, and is likely to color your impressions of the partner. If you plan to keep an eye on your children while they are with your spouse, it’s crucial to establish some kind of relationship with the lover. Therefore, it may be prudent to request a meeting in a neutral place, such as a restaurant or other public location. This will make it easier for you to try and meet each other as human beings, rather than adversaries in a family nightmare.

Managing discomfort

Regardless of where you meet, all parties are bound to be embarrassed and uncomfortable. And although it’s tempting, it won’t do any good to promote this distress. If anything, it will only make it harder for your children, as well as for you to work through all of the issues that come with infidelity. It’s also important to remember that many spouses cheat simply for the excitement of having a dangerous secret. In these cases, it may be possible that having a calm, reasonable meeting will take away some of the drama. You may even find that the extra-marital relationship breaks up on its own.

There is no good way to go about meeting a spouse’s lover for the first time. However, depending on how you handle this meeting, you may be able to make the best of a horrible situation. If you expect the relationship to continue, you’ll need to think about this other person being in contact with your children and playing a role in their lives. Therefore, you’ll want to do what you can to make sure that you can investigate the home on a routine basis and effectively report incidences of abuse should they arise.

Drunk-Dialing is always amusing, isn’t it? According to reports, Jennifer Aniston has been a victim of such! Ex-husband Brad Pitt has apparently been making late night drunken phone calls to her in an attempt to apologize for his role in their divorce, and about his miserable relationship with Angelina Jolie who he has 6 children with.

Per Trans World News:

“She was initially taken aback – especially as he sounded drunk and sorry for himself. He told her he misses her and that he’s sorry for any hurt caused. Jen being Jen immediately told him she’d never held a grudge against him and would welcome them being friends again, so long as she doesn’t have to be friends with Angelina. He agreed.” claims a source. “Before the call, Brad hardly ever spoke to Jen and the relationship was strained. But this phone conversation broke the ice and opened the lines of communication once more.”

This comes to light after recent rumors of the pair secretly dating again behind Jolie’s back. He reportedly has been seeing Jennifer for quite some time now. It’s either all nonsense, or signs of a man in distress. Jolie is said to be looking terrible on her latest movie set, meaning that she is most likely miserable and heartbroken…. or exhausted from managing a career and 6 children on top of these rumors circulating. Pitt has been said to be on edge with his relationship with Jolie, close to the breaking point over her controlling ways. In the meantime, Jennifer Aniston has welcomed the contact with Brad.

Also making rounds in the Jolie-Pitt-Aniston rumor mill is talk that the “Changeling” actress has thrown Pitt out of the home they share together after learning of his renewed friendship. Jolie supposedly is said to have had Brad’s belongings taken to a nearby hotel, where she had booked a suite in his name.

Per RTE:

“Angie went mad and told Brad not to bother coming back,” an insider tells Now magazine. “She told him he’d humiliated her for the last time and that if he wanted to go back to his boring shallow life with Jen, that was fine by her.”

Pitt & Aniston married in 2000 and then divorced in 2005. Whether or not there is any truth to these rumors remain to be seen - But I’m still Team Aniston! Any wagers on whether or not Jolie & Pitt show up arm in arm for Cannes?

Arguing amongst mates is common.  And, to a certain extent, arguing should happen between two independent adults who are in a relationship.  It’s going to happen.  There is no need to worry that your relationship is in trouble if you argue from time to time. You can get Relationship Help on this here.

But, arguing in a bad way is a problem.  Even just a little conflict that damages the relationship can lead to divorce or breaking up.

Arguments that are unhealthy happen in many different ways.  One unhealthy way to argue is by either attacking or withdrawing.  Attacking, trying to dominate your mate by yelling or deriding them, is obviously bad.  So too is withdrawing into silence and not talking to your partner for hours or days.

An additional bad way to argue is to show contempt or scorn for your mate.  Saying hurtful things like “you’re worthless” creates damage that lasts a long time.  If you say things like this to your mate or they say things like this to you, you definitely should make it a priority to learn to argue more healthily.

Here are some healthy ways to argue.  First, try to breathe through your anger or fear.  Focusing on your breathing can help you to stay calm and present.  This can take a while to learn, but it helps. 

It can take a good while to learn to do, but the next thing is to focus on de-escalation.  This means to lower the volume and temperature of the arguing.  See if you can get your mate to calm down by talking more softly yourself.  Act in a non-threatening way and give them some space.

Another key skill for good arguing is to ask your lover what’s important to them about the thing you’re arguing over.  Then shut up and LISTEN.  You don’t have to agree, but just listening will make room for you to share your views and then you can often get to a compromise.

After the argument, see if you can reconnect with your partner quickly rather than let the distance and silence build up.  Say something like “sorry we argued, are you okay?”  There is a lot more involved in turning conflict into caresses, but these things are a good start. 

Divorce is never easy – even if you’re parting on amicable terms, it’s hard not to feel depressed or emotionally distressed. These feelings are perfectly normal. When you end a marriage, you’re breaking the commitment you made to love and honor your partner for the rest of your life. It’s natural to experience a similar grieving process during divorce as you would if someone close to you died. Take time to work through these emotions, but remember that this isn’t the end of the world – you will get through this.

Remember that you aren’t a bad person for getting a divorce. Of course you should try to work through your problems with a professional first, but if you and your spouse can’t get along for any reason, then there’s no reason to stay together in a situation that makes you both unhappy. Think ahead to the future and the well-being of yourself and your children, if any. Staying in a bad marriage can be bad for your health – in fact, the stress and pain of your situation can cause physical symptoms and illnesses.

Stress increases the production of chemicals like cortisone that trigger all sorts of changes in your body. Over time, your body learns to adapt to consistent high levels of stress by changing the type and amount of chemicals produced in your brain. These changes can trigger emotional problems like depression and anxiety, as well as physical symptoms like headache, nausea and indigestion. Your stress can literally make you sick – so it’s important to do everything possible to remain positive during these trying times.

Do everything you can to stay positive while you’re going through a divorce – for your emotional well-being and physical health. It may be hard, but try not to let yourself be dragged down by everything that’s going on around you. If you’re the recipient of any untruthful accusations, take a deep breath and think twice before responding in a negative way. It’s important to stay strong to defend your name and your reputation.

Try to surround yourself with positive people during your divorce – and throughout your life as well. Positive, upbeat friends and members of your family will help you keep having fun and laughing throughout your divorce. This will keep you in a positive atmosphere, helping you to remain calm and rational during the proceedings. Conversely, if you spend your time with depressed or mean people, you may find these traits rubbing off on you!

Although it can be difficult, you’ve got to be ready to move on with your life once the divorce is over – no matter what the outcome. Use this time as a transition period, enabling you to rediscover goals and dreams for your life that you may have put off. Working hard to stay in a positive frame of mind ensures that you have the mental and emotional fortitude to tackle these new changes. There are always second chances and you deserve to have one.

If you have any reason to think that your marriage may be ending, it’s time to start taking precautions to protect your finances. Many unsuspecting people are taken advantage of financially during divorce proceedings – you could find yourself broke or paying your spouses debt if you aren’t careful. The following are the most important areas you should address before you begin divorce proceedings:

The first thing to do is to reduce unnecessary expenses as soon as possible. Divorce is expensive and sooner or later, you’ll need money to pay the legal bills. Sell off any personal property you no longer need or want – including extra furniture, unused cars or expensive clothing and trinkets. It’s possible that anything left over will be considered in your divorce settlement, so now’s the time to cut the fat.

The next thing to look at is any jointly owned credit cards you and your spouse hold. One thing to consider is that you can be held accountable for your spouse’s debt – even after you divorce – if your spouse defaults on any outstanding balance on your joint credit cards. To protect yourself, pay off the balances on your jointly owned credit cards and then close the accounts.

Better still – if you aren’t yet married – consider signing a prenuptial agreement that states you can’t be held responsible for your spouses debt. Give a copy of this paperwork to a credit agency before you open an account. Unfortunately, this type of protection only works if you haven’t yet opened the account – not if you’ve already accrued a balance – so it’s something to think about if you marry again in the future.

If you suspect that a divorce is coming and share a joint checking account with your partner, immediately open a personal checking account and start routing your finances through that account. Divorce can be stressful, and the last thing you need is for your spouse to clear out the account and take off, leaving you with nothing. When you open this account, do so at a different bank – don’t stay with the same company where you and your partner have joint accounts.

Immediately stop contributing money to any joint 401K retirement or pension plans you and your spouse own. In most cases, you can do so by letting your employer know or by making similar arrangements with your discount brokerage firm. You’ll also want to change the beneficiaries on these accounts and on any insurance policies you own. Make sure that any assets you have will be redirected to family and friends in the event of an emergency – not your spouse.

Finally, if you aren’t currently working, it’s time to find a job. If you’ve relied on your partner’s income for awhile, this will be tough, but you’ve got to learn to support yourself. If your divorce settlement doesn’t include any income from your spouse, you’ll have to find some way to meet your financial needs. Divorce is a tough, frustrating thing, but learning to protect yourself and your finances in the first step in getting through the process.

The International Committee of the Red Cross interviewed Khalid Shaikh Mohammed - the alleged 9/11 mastermind - at Guantanamo Bay. Here's what KSM told the Red Cross :

During the harshest period of my interrogation I gave a lot of false information in order to satisfy what I believed the interrogators wished to hear in order to make the ill-treatment stop. I later told the interrogators that their methods were stupid and counterproductive. I'm sure that the false information I was forced to invent in order to make the ill-treatment stop wasted a lot of their time and led to several false red-alerts being placed in the U.S.

Infidelity doesn’t have to mean the end of your marriage. Recent studies have shown that around 45% of married women and 60% of married men are unfaithful at some point during their relationship. Infidelity can range from a one night drunken mistake to a planned and calculated affair. And is likely to have a long term effect on your relationship.

Some people have affairs because they want to get out of the marriage and can’t communicate that fact. Some even have affairs as a cry for help, an indication that something is seriously wrong in the marriage. While others are unfaithful for the thrill and excitement. True, being unfaithful isn’t the best way to tell your partner that you are unhappy but it can be the wake up call that saves marriages.

Sometimes the very fact that a partner is unfaithful allows a couple to take an honest look at saving their marriage and working through their problems together.

Infidelity affects relationships deeply. It takes time to rebuild trust and decide whether you have a basis on which you can both make an effort to save the marriage. However, infidelity does not have to mean the end of a relationship. You can save your marriage.

Don’t make hasty decisions. Blame isn’t very useful, either. Express how you feel and move on. Decide what you need to save the marriage. Rebuilding your relationship can take time and learning to trust your partner again will require some faith, but is a must if you plan on saving your marriage.

Infidelity is a devastating experience. And yet, most couples who go through it can recover. How do they overcome the horrible memories of an affair after reconciliation… Forgive and Forget is a lot easier said than done.But if forgiveness is difficult, forgetting is probably downright impossible for many spouses. They are expected to forget some of the most painful experiences of their lives… While there is no excuse for infidelity, you will eventually have to move past it, if saving the marriage is on the agenda.

Matthew Broderick recently appeared on Letterman, where they both talked about the recent announcement that Matthew was going to be having twin girls with his wife, Sarah Jessica Parker. Matthew opened up on how he’s nervous about having little pink things all over the house while they also talked about James Wilkie’s reaction to the bundles that are soon to arrive! From People,

 ”Matthew Broderick, who is expecting twin daughters with wife Sarah Jessica Parker, insists, “Yeah, I’m ready” – well, almost.

“Oh man, I’m nervous just even thinking about it,” the actor, 47, said Friday on the Late Show with David Letterman, in his first interview since he and Parker, 44, announced they are having twins via a surrogate.

“You know, I’ve asked people, ‘What’s it like to have twins?’” Broderick tells Letterman. “One father said, ‘I don’t recommend it,’ but the rest have been very positive.”

As for the couple’s 6-year-old son James Wilkie, “He’s pretty excited” – and already making a shopping list, according to Broderick. “He said, ‘We have to get a lot of princess toys.’ “

Princess toys, yes, they are a definite must. But what I would be more concerned about is the fact that there are two of them, as Dave mentioned himself during the interview. I have no doubt that Sarah Jessica and Matthew will handle it beautifully and flawlessly. Sarah Jessica’s Sex & the City costar and friend, Mario Cantone was also quoted as saying that she’s been waiting for a little girl for a very long time. And now she’s getting two of them! I can just imagine what princesses they’ll turn out to be! Can you imagine inheriting SJP’s Manolo collection? Oh. My. God.

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