Vice Agent

Rock Solid Hard Proof He’s Cheating

So what you need is “rock solid hard proof” that your lover boy is out playing in someone else’s sand box behind your back. Something that you can finally nail him down with that can’t be simply explained away with any more of his phony stories. Something that will finally give you what you need to make a final decision on you marriage.

Prepaid Cell Phones are Cheap and Easy to Get

Checking cell phone call records used to be a reliable source of information for concerned wives in the past but not so much any more. Thats because if your husband has half a brain, he has a cheap prepaid cell phone that he keeps stashed away somewhere, just for calls from who ever he is cheating on you with.

The Answers You are Looking For are Closer Than You Think

Surprisingly, many wives today and you may be one of them, are completely unaware that it is now possible to record a persons computer activity. This means that you can now find out what your husbands passwords are to his email accounts and even read any instant messages that he has written and websites he has visited.

The Perfect Tool for Wives looking For Proof Of Cheating Husbands

It’s called “keystroke recording software” and it’s amazingly inexpensive and completely user friendly. This means that even if you don’t have advanced computer skills, you still will have no trouble using it. Once it’s installed in your computer, recalling everything that your husband does on it is a cinch and best of all there is no way for him to know that you are doing it.

There is a huge difference between talking and communicating. Many people confuse the two and think they know how to communicate in marriage, but communicate does not mean “start talking”. This confusion is often the cause of marriage communication problems.

When you are truly communicating you express your views in a way that the person you are communicating with knows what you are saying. You must also so that you understand what is being communicated to you. So many times, in “marriage communication” one partner does all the talking and the other does all the listening. This is not communication.

Often an otherwise ideal marriage, can be ruined by the inability of the couple to truly communicate. Couples in successful marriages have learned to both express themselves to each other and to listen to each other.

A marriage license does not turn someone into a mind reader so there is no way your spouse can know what you are feeling and thinking if communication is a problem.

Have you ever decided that you didn’t know how to say what was on your mind so you just didn’t tell your spouse? Many times when this happens the issue that was never even discussed creates a huge gulf between the couple. It may be that you have had this happen.

Whether it has happened to you or not, can you see how important communication is? Take a lesson from this and always share your thoughts and feelings with your spouse. Talk things through and listen to what they have to say. Keeping it to yourself will not help either of you and will in the long run hurt both of you.

Another point to remember is how you say things. You never want to say things in a way that put your spouse on the defensive, such as blaming or accusing them. By doing this you will loose all chance of having your spouse listen to you. Instead frame your words in a way that will not come across as accusing your husband or wife.

In addition to this, don’t approach your spouse with an issue on your mind if you know that you will not have time to discuss it. If you have an appointment a two o’clock, ten minutes till two is not the time to try to discuss an important issue. Wait until later when the possibility for more time to talk exists.

Listening is as important as talking and more people seem to have trouble listening than they do with talking. If you don’t really listen, if you are constantly thinking of what you want to say, you are doing yourself and your spouse a disservice. You will never know what your spouse is thinking an feeling and that affects the closeness of your relationship. Many professionals recommend repeating back to your partner what you heard and in that way you can be sure that you heard what they said.

A successful marriage requires work. Learning how to effectively communicate in marriage will make that work much easier and will make your marriage relationship much stronger.

When it comes to any relationship, you both need to understand the expectations of both parties. In the situation of extra-marital relationships, you will need to manage your expectations of your marriage as well as your affair. Before you even start the second relationship, you should be asking yourself “Is this what I really want?”. Everybody has initial expectations of their marriages but marriages and the people in them change and you can find yourself looking for the missing pieces in another person.

Expectations of your affair What you are looking for and what your new lover is looking for in the relationship should be discussed during the early stages of the affair and before it even begins, you need to look at yourself, your family situation and weigh up what you want in the extra relationship. Your initial expectations may change over time and you need to keep your communication open about this with your lover. How far will the affair go? You should keep both of your relationships in perspective. While it is still practical to have the two at the same time, you need to realise it is difficult to have both as fulltime relationships. You may need to evaluate how far you would like the affair to go in terms of seriousness and how much time you would like it to take up. You may, at times, feel you want the affair to take a more prominent position in your life but you need to remember that the whole idea of an ‘affair’ is supposed to be ‘on the side’ of your primary relationship – your marriage. Like every relationship, the first few months are often like a ‘honeymoon’ period where everything’s going well, feelings are strong and you’re just getting to know each other. However, after the first six or so months, the relationship gets to a stage where it hits the transition phase. Just like other relationships, you may or may not feel you want to continue the relationship as the lust you felt at the beginning either dissipates or changes and brings about different opinions about the relationship. If you find you’re getting to this stage, you should reassess your expectations with your lover as, chances are, they are feeling the same way. You may feel the relationship has gotten to the point where you do not feel like continuing and might start seeking the same excitement you felt at the beginning of the relationship elsewhere. If this is the case, you need to communicate and break off the first affair before searching for it elsewhere or things may get messy (especially dealing with three relationships). When you’re evaluating your expectations at different stages of your affair, you may need to ask yourself questions to assess where you are in your life and what amount of commitment you can give the new relationship. Here are a few questions you could ask yourself while working out your expectations: •       Is this extra relationship worth the hassle it causes in your life? Are you getting enough joy and fulfilment out of it to outweigh the pain, hurt and other negativity that comes from it (whether it be the stress of keeping it discreet and hidden from your partner, expenses incurred from it, and emotional confusion between you, your lover and your partner etc)?
•       Do you think your lover is getting too attached and seems to be getting too serious about the relationship, treated it as more of a fulltime relationship rather than an affair? You may need to talk to them about this because at different stages of the relationship they may start feeling more dependent upon you and cause havoc in other aspects of your life, including your marriage. Is this what you want? You need to do something about it before it reaches boiling point.
•       Do you feel you have no regrets about having this relationship? Do you think you will have any in the future? Do you feel guilt about it sometimes? You should try to tackle these questions so they don’t get out of hand.
•       Has this relationship benefited you as a person, helped you grow etc, or just made you feel uneasy about yourself?
•       Do you think if circumstances changed between your partner and you (for instance, if a child became involved in your primary relationship/marriage) you would continue this extra-marital relationship or finish it? Your expectations of an affair should always include having the positive outweigh the negative, not the other way around. If you find yourself in this situation, you should talk to your lover and work out how to change things. Your long-term expectations for this affair should relate to everything else in your life from family to work, finances and societal pressures. Make sure you involve your lover in these decisions as there may be alternative avenues around the complicated situations to make them easier for everyone involved.

Even though most people don’t marry for the sake of money, the financial aspects of marriage impact every aspect of the relationship. Therefore, when you’re dealing with infidelity, you need to think about all the financial ramifications of your decisions. For example, if you’re a home maker, you may rely on the financial support of your spouse – leaving the relationship could leave you without any monetary resources. If you’re facing adultery, it’s best to discuss your plans and options with an accountant, as well as a lawyer.

Pre-nuptial agreements

When you’re getting married, the last thing you want to do is consider the possibility that the marriage will fail because of infidelity. At the same time, the ever-rising divorce rate is an indication that you need to make plans ahead of time. Your lawyer can create a pre-nuptial agreement – a contract that determines who will receive certain financial and custody rights in the event of a divorce. While you may never need to enact this contract, it can give you peace of mind knowing that you won’t have to go through a bitter divorce to free yourself from an impossible situation.

Debts and housing

When you decide that you want a divorce, you’ll need to begin the process of separating your assets. In some cases, your spouse may decide to run up credit cards or build up joint debts in order to make it harder for you to leave the relationship. If you don’t know that your spouse is committing adultery, it may be even more difficult to recover from the financial impact of a divorce. That’s why it’s prudent to always have your own bank accounts and credit cards – it’s crucial to make sure that your finances are as separate from your spouse’s as possible.

Childcare and alimony

Typically, women receive custody of the children in the relationship, as well as alimony payments from their spouses. That said, in this changing world, fathers are increasing gaining custody and the right to obtain support from their ex-wives. In many cases, both of these issues can prolong divorce proceedings. It’s absolutely vital to seek the advice of an attorney specializing in divorce proceedings to understand your rights and responsibilities.

Determining where your children will live may be the one place where you’ll need to fight to do what’s best for your children. You’ll need to understand, and continually investigate, your children’s home situation to make sure that your spouse’s new partner does not abuse your child. In order to accomplish this, you’ll need at least joint custody or direct access to your children when they’re in contact with your spouse.

Without question, when your husband or wife cheats on you, the effects will be felt in every area of your life. Chances are, your first instinct will be to end the marriage as quickly as possible. That said, the financial consequences of a divorce and an angry partner can impact you for the rest of your life. In most cases, the best time to address these issues is before they ever happen with proper financial planning.

If you’ve ever seen your partner flirting with a member of the opposite sex, you know what jealousy feels like. Jealousy refers to the negative thoughts or feelings that occur when we feel our relationships being threatened of challenged. Although we all feel that little green monster rise up occasionally, it’s important to remember that jealousy is not an abnormal feeling. In fact, many sociologists view it as a social phenomenon developed to help us protect our relationships.

Natural as it may be, if you experience jealousy in your relationships, you know that it can be frustrating, annoying, painful and even embarrassing. Most experts agree that if left untamed, jealousy can single-handedly destroy an otherwise great relationship. However, although many people believe they are predetermined to be jealous, it’s possible to stop jealousy and improve your relationships.

Why do we experience jealousy?

Fear of rejection or abandonment – whether conscious or subconscious – is one of the major reasons we experience jealousy. Some psychologists believe we can trace the root of this reaction back to prehistoric times. When there were fewer people around, building relationships was of utmost importance for protection and survival. Therefore, it makes sense that we would develop a keen instinct to know when these relationships were being threatened.

Even though we’ve long since passed the caveman era when having strong relationships could mean the difference between life and death, we still feel this instinctual need to protect our relationships. And it makes sense – after all, you still want to preserve the bonds and connections you’ve created. But if jealousy is a constant factor in your relationship, you might want to examine whether this emotion is coming from an instinctual, subconscious place or from legitimate fears you have about the fidelity of your partner.

So what to do?

If you fear that jealousy might be ruining your relationship, now’s the time to act. Here are a few tips for getting your emotions under control:

1) The first step is to identify when your feelings of jealousy occur. Do you feel jealous when your partner interacts with anyone of the opposite sex, or only in specific situations? If you only feel jealous in certain instances, do you experience the same feelings every time the situation occurs, or are there more specific triggers?

2) Once you’ve identified the triggers that cause a jealous reaction, try to identify the reasons behind it. If you’ve ever been cheated on, you may be worried that your current partner will do the same. Your feelings of jealousy may also be coming from low self esteem. If you don’t value yourself, you may be worried that your partner will leave you for someone you perceive as “better.”

3) After completing your self evaluation, talk to your partner about your feelings. Be sure to phrase the conversation in terms of “I” - say things like, “I feel bad when you flirt with other people in front of me,” instead of, “You’re always flirting with other people in front of me.” Doing so removes the blame from the issue and allows you to focus on resolving your jealousy instead.

If jealousy is a major problem for you – or if your past relationships are truly impacting your ability to be happy, you may want to consider seeking professional assistance to help you resolve your emotional issues. Speaking with a qualified third party – like a therapist or psychologist – can help you address your jealousy issues and resolve them in a safe, non-confrontational environment.

Don’t be afraid of jealousy – it often stems from natural, instinctive psychological processes. However, when left unchecked, jealousy can ruin your current relationships and any future ones. So take the time to identify your issues and work through them with your partner or a third party. You’ll soon be on your way to taming that little green monster inside.

I cheated my husband 10 years ago and I never told him.  It was a one night stand, but I was going to leave him at the time, but didn't.  I am still with him and I just caught him texting our babysitter, who is 25 years younger.

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