There is a huge difference between talking and communicating. Many people confuse the two and think they know how to communicate in marriage, but communicate does not mean “start talking”. This confusion is often the cause of marriage communication problems.

When you are truly communicating you express your views in a way that the person you are communicating with knows what you are saying. You must also so that you understand what is being communicated to you. So many times, in “marriage communication” one partner does all the talking and the other does all the listening. This is not communication.

Often an otherwise ideal marriage, can be ruined by the inability of the couple to truly communicate. Couples in successful marriages have learned to both express themselves to each other and to listen to each other.

A marriage license does not turn someone into a mind reader so there is no way your spouse can know what you are feeling and thinking if communication is a problem.

Have you ever decided that you didn’t know how to say what was on your mind so you just didn’t tell your spouse? Many times when this happens the issue that was never even discussed creates a huge gulf between the couple. It may be that you have had this happen.

Whether it has happened to you or not, can you see how important communication is? Take a lesson from this and always share your thoughts and feelings with your spouse. Talk things through and listen to what they have to say. Keeping it to yourself will not help either of you and will in the long run hurt both of you.

Another point to remember is how you say things. You never want to say things in a way that put your spouse on the defensive, such as blaming or accusing them. By doing this you will loose all chance of having your spouse listen to you. Instead frame your words in a way that will not come across as accusing your husband or wife.

In addition to this, don’t approach your spouse with an issue on your mind if you know that you will not have time to discuss it. If you have an appointment a two o’clock, ten minutes till two is not the time to try to discuss an important issue. Wait until later when the possibility for more time to talk exists.

Listening is as important as talking and more people seem to have trouble listening than they do with talking. If you don’t really listen, if you are constantly thinking of what you want to say, you are doing yourself and your spouse a disservice. You will never know what your spouse is thinking an feeling and that affects the closeness of your relationship. Many professionals recommend repeating back to your partner what you heard and in that way you can be sure that you heard what they said.

A successful marriage requires work. Learning how to effectively communicate in marriage will make that work much easier and will make your marriage relationship much stronger.